Right, so, got this Aperture Handheld Portal Device, yeah? Brilliant bit of kit, honestly. Creates portals, looks incredibly scientific, makes you feel very important. Only knocked off one star because I accidentally opened a portal into a maintenance shaft and spent three hours apologising to a turret. Still, that's probably user error. If you're after cutting-edge science and only a moderate chance of catastrophic consequences, this is the product for you.

Those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.

One star.

Not because the product failed. Because you bought it.

Alright, listen up. I bought the Aperture Science Long Fall Boots because my scientists told me gravity was 'a serious safety concern.' Nonsense. Gravity isn't a problem. Hitting the ground is.

The intern I pushed down Test Shaft 9 wasn't wearing a pair, and his results were unimpressive. That's what we call a controlled experiment.

If you're planning to fall from a dangerous height - and statistically speaking, around here, you are - buy these boots. Aperture Science: we do what we must because apparently the laws of physics won't do it for us.

...

They're listening. I know they are. I can hear it in the walls again.

The Companion Cube arrived in a standard Aperture crate. Standard is never just standard. There was a second label underneath the first one. I didn’t peel it off. I never peel them off.

I don't trust the corners of empty rooms anymore.

I noticed something when I turned off the lights.